Quakie blogged.

Monday, December 04, 2006

MOVED.
and you wonder where? and what?

ask me, because i can't reach you, you, you and you!

if you think i want to avoid you , dont bother finding out or my words will be hurting each and everytime (and you wonder why it sounds so familiar;)

; HER CRAZY DAY

1:32 AM

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

I'm helping a friend to advertise, ex-next-to-me-ruler-beating-classmate!
EVA CHIN!
need a personalised shoe, book, website or anything else?
find eva chin!
hocus_pocus7@hotmail.com
these are only sketches!
and she can design , colour according to your preference.
price is negotiable.
quick, before she gets too busy!:)

; HER CRAZY DAY

11:15 PM

I have decided to remove the post on her because my ultimate aim was to vent and i think it is very much achieved. It was not to change anything about us(kb, if you think i still have this wish, you're wrong), not to get my friends around me to hate her,not for nasty comments, not for tea and sympathy,and i realised , its not to provoke her for a reply. So i removed, to prevent those unintended consequences.

But i'm glad to once again, feel the loves of my life:)
My BestBud
Animal family-jaime,kb,quanrui
Cheryl
and maybe :)?

And khayboon thank you for irritating me,
you asked if there's any wish i want to fulfil that is within you abilities,

I want a 5day/wk job that earns me $1500 a month and it better not involve any standing.
I want to open up a restaurant, all classy and yet affordable.
(with yoke sun cooking the famous tom yam, with eugene seducing all the customers, with janice attending to difficult customers, with jaime designing our uniform, with ahpek& wendy putting their BIT&Marketing skills in the selling it online and advertising, with you testing all the food and with me, collecting money.)
I want to get AAA A1 for my A's.
I want to get into the Singapore Netball team.
I want to turn back time to when i was 11 so i can play basketball all day and night.

so tell me what is within your ability? increasingly impossible isn't it?
SO WHEN I SAY NONE, I MEAN NONE!
I know you're driving at the friendship wish last year but i'm no longer naive.
And a wish is something out of my reach, so just forget it.

; HER CRAZY DAY

3:37 PM

Sunday, November 26, 2006

That's life.

; HER CRAZY DAY

11:39 PM

REPOSTED.

since you asked.

i lost the thing for blogging and then its you again.

"
n she talks abt me in her blog again!!! i dont uds
why she hates me so
much.had been friggin 2 years alrdy. i onli hao xin wish her
all e best for
A's and she suddenly dig up all the past stuffs AGAIN.i alrdy
apologised n
all. mayb its reali difficult for her to forgive or i duno wad
la.but ya tis
post of hers was actually quite lenient alrdy. her previous posts
were so
much worse.

"It took you so long to realise that what you claim
as a
friend is already long gone. I'm the someone you paid the least or even
none
of attention to. Yet ,you've always been the one i paid most of mine to.
Like i said, its not your hectic life that made the distance, its where you
place that me in you. I reckon it is definitely not anywhere near to your
heart.
I'd rather not keep the friendship if it means patching up and
feeling the
distance again and again. It is enough to kill. When was the
last time you saw
my face? do you even remember? My last birthday, all i
wanted was presence. And
sorry was the word you gave, and it has always been
the case . I'll get back to
you after i obtain a diploma on how to treat you
as someone who dont matter much
anymore. Like getting a diploma, it takes
years. I know things won't be the same
anymore. Meanwhile, you can just get
back to your life, nothing new isnt it? It
has always been without me."

and altho i said im gona hate her , i know
its all my fault.her
words are always so hurting.each n everytime.I dun even
remb how i make
myself fall into this type of situation with her.but i'll always
remb e fun
and sweet times i had with her last time:)oh man. suddenly with proj,
lack
of sleep and all floodin me now. and wit her tis post, i suddenly wana cry
la.ARGH ITS NOT LIK I COMMIT ANY CRIMES, WHY CANT SHE JUS FORGIVE N
FORGET!!!!!!!!!!KILL ME
first you admitted that it is you. did you realise i didnt even mention
your name?
so your subconscious mind must be going...
took so long to
realise liting is already long gone - tick
paid the least attention to
liting - tick
its not my hectic life that made the distance - tick
she
is not even near my heart - tick
the friendship will be breaking up(i can't
be bothered) and patching up again(when i suddenly think of you, one in a
million years) - tick
always giving a sorry when she ask me out - tick
always been a life without her, so insignificant - tick

then "OH BITCH TALKING ABT ME AGAIN!"
Like you can quote mine in your blog, i can too.
Anyway since, you dont know why...
then let to clear your doubt meaning - more hurtful stuff.
at this point, you can leave if you can't be bothered, or like you said, afraid to get hurt.
also, there goes my dignity.

2years back,
we got our results and also decided to play netball with juniors the very next day.
almost all of you gave me a reluctant yes so i asked again, but all of you still agreed.
and i found out that ALL of you are discussing behind my back on how to get away with it.
that night, my phone is suddenly flooded with all the smses at the same time saying you guys cant go, leaving me to settle all the stuff with doreen and apologising for that.
and how nice,
i found out that you guys went tp to check out courses behind my back.
and the reason you gave, you don't know what course to take.
of all people , why you?
i wouldn't be furious if i didnt know that.
do you even think that i've any choice in mind? i was more clueless than anyone of you and yet none of you even bothered to ask and think about asking me along.
thats why i tried avoiding tp as one of my choice.

if esther was the netball captain, would it have been esther going through all this?
that is why when miss teng and miss geeva ask me whether i'm confident and willing to be the ny captain . i gave a firm no because im afraid things will turn out this way. And it is this sole reason, i refused.

"
.i felt. i felt. that they weren't there when i needed sum1.not even a
'hello'despite the times i stood by them.they're always to busy for me.i
dunno.maybe it wasnt really a frienship anyway.i was being a mere nanny of
their.comforting you when u cry.

after a while, i soon got over it.
and you know all the time, i won't be the one saying sorry, i won't be the one breaking the ice.
therefore, those who didnt start talking to me after that, were all outta my life.
i know esther did try, but my blog pissed her off.

(i stop trying to hate her when i see all the effort she put in her handmade stuff just for me. )
You and i started talking a little at the gathering at kb house and swimming at wendy house.
But you really drifted away ever since.
Until my bday, i thought you would at least spare some time for this little celebration.
i don't know whether it was an excuse or a reason, you said you dont have enough money.
i even wanted to change the place to sumo house to make it more affordable which wendy
gave the reply "WA..BUDGET"
maybe you just cant be bothered.
and you know what was my birthday wish that year?
It was to get esther and your friendship back in place.
(i don't know why i want it back when it has always been a onesided/way thing)
but i know that is beyond reach and i wouldnt wish for it this year.

i soon got over that birthday thing, until...
i happen to chance upon weijie's blog,
so you especially went to give someone a surprise(at the 'glasshouse' ) to make up for his birthday that you didnt go.
well well, i wouldnt be all so worked up if you were saying all the nice things about him in the past.

If you bother to make up for someone that you didnt really like,
then i must be someone you really hate or dont even bother about.
i hate to think about all those things i did for you , thinking you're my best friend and thought you felt the same, and only to deserve all this.

i hate to be the last to know about your new bf, which apparently is not new by the time i got to know thru wendy.
the only thing that you did confessed to me about, is that your heart no longer thumps when you see him and you know what? thats the first thing i heard about your bf.
i hate it when people ask me about you thinking we're bestfriends when i know in fact nothing anymore.
i hate you for always making time for that group and none for animal family, whats more for me?
i hate to think about all the things you all said about each other behind each others back and having to get away with it,still happy and close.
while when i say it in your face, when i show how i feel, i'm left all alone.
i really hate how i could be all of your secret bin those years, i get to hear all the nasty stuff you say about each other, and having to keep it to myself and seeing you smiling and playing with the one you talked about.
remember how some of you said, "she is boycrazy, behave very differently when there is *** around" , " dont care about her lah, she is always this *****"...
dont get it wrong, i'm not trying to break all of you up, i guess you guys are not like this anymore. i just dont get it, would you rather i talk behind your back or say it in your face?
everybody get angry sometimes, and it is always me taking all the blame.
ok maybe i get angry many times. fine.

oh it all dont matter now.

sorry will not cure because thats about where you stop.
you dont even bother meeting up, smsing, and even talking on msn.
like any relationship, when you end with a sorry and nothing else,
It is gone and probably thats what you want.

i'm still sore about it because i feel so stupid to actually think you're really my bestfriend,
to actually try to ask for help when "you use candles in your house",
to try and cover up when kaichen ask about it,
to surprise you with meesiam when you didnt bring enough money,
to defend you when some people talk about you behind your back,
to worry about your problem - bf ,family or friends.
in the past.

were you there with me during my toughest times?
no, not toughest because you are the reason for my toughest time.
i know i may not talk about my problems.
but that is because you always thought i was strong enough to handle it.
so none of you even bothered to just - be there.
too busy, working, shopping, clubbing.
just no time for me.

i really hope we didnt go into the same kindergarten so i won't be bothered about talking to you during sec1 and we probably won't become what i think as "bestfriends".
i really wish you didnt give me that pillow because all it did was made me dream of you.
i feel really stupid,people are always troubled about boyfriends and love while mine is all about you and them.
when i listen to sad songs like this, its you i see.
its you i blog.
SHIT. i hate you.
please tell me what you did for me, what is it that is so worth forgiving , so worth forgetting about all those bad memories,
so i wont hate you.
i'm sorry i was trying so hard to hate you that i have forgotten about those fun and sweet memories.

and all i can do now is to blame you.
because you allowed me to.
tell me something that i'm at fault ,
maybe that will stop me from saying those harsh things.
to me, those memories is as vivid as thou yesterdays.
you think its easy to forgive and forget?

you think i dont want to?

its hurting me more than it hurts you.
i still wish i'll have nice things to say about you,

"
Joined netball.
found oUt my KINDERGARTEN friend.
F-E-L-I-C-I-A!
she
didn't remember me.
until i showed her our photo.
silly kitten
*oh
damn*
why am i stating the obvious!?
we're got closed very soon.
perhaps it's cuz we known each other once?
lols. sounds weird .
i remember she told me abt e "raisin" .
her secret i guess.
when we're not
even in the same class den.
dun wanna say who e "raisin" is.
or she'll
kill me.

here goes.
felicia ..
felicia used to be weak n like a water tap.
keep crying n crying.
cry baby.
after numerous love failures.
she finally came out with a conclusion.
no love is forever.
well. i
do agree.
but nvm.
she's pretty.
but words affect her a whole lot.
remember.
you're beautiful.
no matter wat they say.
cuz words
cant bring u down.
next time maybe i wun have a chance to console u
so u
better remember huh.
ya.
she's very fun to disturb.
always giggle n
luff at e slightest joke.
when she hears somethin shocking.
her eyes
will become bigger than e original 2cm.
n go "HuH!?"
and when we tell
her we're jk.
she hit u on the hand.
luff n say "wu liao" or "childish"
when she herself finds it funny.
she loves to go KBOX.
n sing.
she love her voice.
so she dun like ppl to sing along
when she's
singing
so better be careful.
or the sick cat will becum -tiger!
she
.
hates to hear me say e name
j-a-m-e-s
lol
she used to be
vulgar.
but not anymore.
nv say "cb", "knn".
is now hardworking
lol .. must be my influence leading this stray cat onto e right path.
"
and i guessed its esther who told you about the previous entry? esther tell her about this again.
i want to hear what she has to say.
thou not for your sake, say something to let me stop trying to hate you.
its easier holding on then letting go.

thank el* for alerting me about that. i'd rather not be left in the dark. :)
el , you rock!

and of course, i'll treasure those loves i have in my life now

; HER CRAZY DAY

12:05 AM

Thursday, November 02, 2006

real ups ,downs and a BANG like a rollercoaster ride.

up: was angela ,the postcard that she gave and we're finally talking again. are you reading this? lets not break our promise and crash tp together with the rest okay! (except that its one year later.)

down: stupid bus driver, how do you want both of us to flag the bus early when the bus already stopped? and excuse me, it is us running to the door and with you looking right at us. stop making use of the stupid "flag your bus early" campaign to humiliate weak-looking girls like us.(but definitely not) I'm glad you did shut up when i told you to. Stupid campaign and with some bloody rude bus driver. World class transport system? want more singaporeans to take the public transport? DREAM ON.(at least not until you get rid of the pest on the bus- including the drivers)

BANG: It took you so long to realise that what you claim as a friend is already long gone. I'm the someone you paid the least or even none of attention to. Yet ,you've always been the one i paid most of mine to. Like i said, its not your hectic life that made the distance, its where you place that me in you. I reckon it is definitely not anywhere near to your heart. I'd rather not keep the friendship if it means patching up and feeling the distance again and again. It is enough to kill. When was the last time you saw my face? do you even remember? My last birthday, all i wanted was presence. And sorry was the word you gave, and it has always been the case . I'll get back to you after i obtain a diploma on how to treat you as someone who dont matter much anymore. Like getting a diploma, it takes years. I know things won't be the same anymore. Meanwhile, you can just get back to your life, nothing new isnt it? It has always been without me.

i think i know what you're thinking, scold me for being so sadistic if you want to

; HER CRAZY DAY

10:38 PM

Thursday, October 26, 2006

the little things in life.

; HER CRAZY DAY

5:55 PM

Sunday, October 15, 2006

last day of school's pictures.
share.shutterfly.com/action/welcome?sid=2Acsmzdu1bsXKw

; HER CRAZY DAY

12:53 AM

Saturday, October 14, 2006

FRIDAY THE THIRTEEN !

was really friday the thirteen.

(i dont want to post the closeup pic taken by huimin because its damn gross)

even after this i continued playing and ended up having terrible muscle cramp that is still hurting now. The worst has yet to come though. I went home and whined to my mum about it and she so sweetly gave me this tube and told me to apply it saying that it helps in healing and its 'cooling' after application. So i did what was told. At first, i only applied a lil' but there's no effect so i used much more .
and my wound became BURNING HOT!
Worst of all, i realised that tube is for irritated skin. burns and not for wounds.
mummy, thanks ar!
that is so helpful.

So was friday the thirteen, graduation day.
it wasn't so pleasantly memorable
unlike in btss's,
when you think that after this day everything is gonna change(and it did)
and you just dont wanna move on
you wish time stood still and you secretly wanna tear every moment of that day.
okay, more like 'I' than 'you'.

i have so many things i want to say,
but not today.

But i must thank
Shulian (butterfly)
- always adding colours to my life
Zoe (penguin)
-cold on the outside yet adorable inside.
cheryl (monkey)
- always laughing WITH me at my weird jokes even when its not funny, she'll try to force a laugh.
Huimin (bear)
- always the one who looks for me and i look for when i feel so fed up with all the weird people.
And also Angela , my mortal?
- someone who is still so special even after whatever that happened.

without anyone of you, life would have been very different in nanyang.

and the netballers of course, esp. Jokkuan, Liqi and Yingxi.

and those who impacted my life in one way or another.

; HER CRAZY DAY

11:15 PM

Saturday, October 07, 2006

Sorry for the really slow reply.

cherylyeo:

thankss to yoouuu!

jok :

yea :)

arjha:

sorry i was late this year but at least im the first for your 18th , haha.

min:

=_=" it was that long/short all along? haha you too! AAA A1!

hazel:

okay i'll relink soon ! i'm not okay :( mugging for A levels. but i'll be okay in 40days time! whee!

chiayin:

mug hard too :) the song is "when there was you and me" i can send you if you're online if you dont mind risking.

; HER CRAZY DAY

2:05 PM