alright.

enough of those personality test

which may appear to be crap to most of you.
shall answer to hazel's request.

UPDATE.

yups.

been really happy and also choking on unhappiness recently.

i don't know how to put this.

hmm.

absolutely contented with the what i have now, the present.

girlfriend, friends, school, vitamin M. ;)

whats more can i ask for?

but,

i think i still can't get over it.

not love. but friendship.

as much as i tell people how much i've got over the long gone friendship,

i didn't.

i don't wish to mention names here,

i don't want them to start caring for this friendship

ONLY because i've blog it down.
definitely not animal family.

so don't worry.
somehow i noticed everytime i blog down stuff on friendship.

'this ppl' will start sending sms-es to me.

but its forwarded.
it just tells how much they really care.
not much.
okay. i know i'm guilty too.

i didnt even bother to forward a sweet msg.

erm, not really "didn't bother",

but its weird.
its been like half a year since we last talk.
and i guess they will find it weird if i ask them out, and vice versa.
i won't do that anyway.
i still don't get it.

why am i still thinking of all of them,

when all is left is putrid memories.

when all they did for me was, nothing.

when all they gave me was, faking ignorance and plain selfishness.

so why?
why do i still call them 'friend'?

a picture paint a thousand words.
to me,

a picture paint lies ,agony and hurt.
to see that you're not in the picture,

not knowing what happened, when it happened,

it just tell so much about me in their eyes.

"not important, not invited."
to see that all of us are in the picture taken in the past, now

i'll start to wonder,

where is the love?

to see that you're so easily replaced,

so easily forgotton,

which sicko in the world will think the feeling is so fantastic?

yes .

call me a sadist , too emotional, too sensitive.

i don't care.
this is how i feel

i don't need you to manipulate my feelings to make me feel better.

it wont work for me.

most people say i'm strong, emotionally.

but think again,

am i ?
to think of all this stupid stuff.

jus because i don't cry, i don't seem to get hurt easily,

you think i'm tough.

do you know what is going on inside me?

no.

after typing this,

it dawned on me,

nudging me to wake from my slumber .

this friendship is gone for good, its not coming back in any way.

what khayboon said was right.

"deep now inside you, you still hope that they will come back to you"

i denied straight away,

not because its not true.

but i thought that no one would ever notice the emptiness inside me.

alright.

maybe i should forget about the friendship btwn them.
i will try very hard to.

if 'you' know i'm talking abt you,

just go away.

since its not coming back anyway.
don't let me have any glimpse of hope.

the higher the hopes, the harder the fall.

i don't want to sink any deeper and fall any harder.

so leave me alone.

alright,

enough of my whining.
i'm actually in , not jus happy, but euphoric mood today.

=)

went dining at 85.

thanks for the treat of chicken wings, drinks and bar chor mee!
you know how i can go all crazy with food. haha!

yup had fun with huitian.

always do!

fooling around,

running all over,

teasing her about school tml.

trying to steal a bite on the chocolate in the library!

scaring each other that the librarian is looking!

weee... pure fun.
she can make me laugh non-stop!

yups.
and ya.

went shopping with shulian and angela days back.

arghhh.

i can't stand it!

whats with the fashion and lace!

i totally freaked out.

sorry .

i affected the mood of shopping.

angela even had to do screening of the lace clothings for me.

which is totally impossible la.

because its like EVERYWHERE!

and mickey mouse stuff.

if that is fashion,

i'm not gonna follow it blindly.

i'll be the most out of fashion, most orbang girl around.

i don't care.

those who appreciate it and like it for it is,

tell me why.

because i just don't get it!

its weird how fashion is going,

"out of date fashion" is fashion now.

yucks.
and i hardly bought anything that day

when i was prepared to spent more than a 100.

arghh.

and ya.

i had a wonderful time ever since the midyrs exams ended,
its been like a week of holiday for me.

no sch tml too!
how wonderful.

wednesday is listening.

but hell, it'll soon be over.
i haven did the tutorials and catching up for the subjects,

thou my exams are already over!

ya. how terrible.

bad girl !

but its okay.

i deserve this long break.

i'll be hard working .

i'll be doing my tutorials.

i'll be going through those topic i have no idea of.

maybe, another day!

meanwhile, i'll just procrastinate.