am back!
my com is still down.
arghh.
using this user.NOT.friendly notebook again...

ok.
have the urge to blog so much.

i'm really freaking out, as i said in the earlier entry.
some people keep spying on you...
i shan't finger point.
really disappointed ..
the way you ask, "what have you studied already?"
almost every single day.
at first i thought it was okay.
but after an incident,
i saw thru you.

back at the times at bts,
i still remember..
we'll help each other whenever we were able to.
really sit down and help.
not like in ny "like dat la! u dunno meh? STUPID",
we'll be really happy if the person do well in a subject.
EVEN IF HE/SHE DOES BETTER THAN US.
still rmb when only devina pass her ss test.
everyone in 4e2, jus clapped and cheered!
how nice right.
this is not happening in ny.
and it will never happen in ny.

when i first came to ny,
did test and exams,
even thou i didnt do well,
i still felt really glad for my friends who did well.
(thou some claim that they din study)

but i don't haf this strong feeling for them anymore.
should i be guilty or not?

because.
when i happen, to do better than them,
i dont mind if they wun be happy for me.
but
they will go crazy like,
"my grades are falling, i'm so stupid!", THE WHOLE DAMN DAY!
their grades are not falling, jus that their grade is below mine.
i can read between the lines.
i'm the stupid one.
if they score below me,
then, they feel that they are stupid as well.
i cant take anymore of wateva u call it.

you're my friend.
sometimes i really don't know how to face it, face you.
im not jus another hypocrite.
i really want to be your friend.
but do you?
if yes, why keep competing with each other?
why do u only care about urself?
stop it.
or you'll lose more than a friend or a comparing mate?

hais.
i really miss the days at btss.
i still remember, when it rains,
i'll sms feli,
den she'll walk out of school with an umbrella to fetch me in
den we'll tease each other about cats or ducks is afraid of the water.
what sweet memories.

i'll nv haf such sweet memories in ny.
i don't want to grow up,
don't want to face the real world.
let me just die still thinking is world is so beautiful.

hais.
i really hope you guys will treasure her.
to see you walk past the macdonalds,
totally different from what happened in the past.
where u guys laugh and joke and make my dreadful day wonderful,
and now, not even hi.
jus look away and as if both of you are strangers.
it hurts me, really deep.
i dont know why, maybe its because i can relate to both of you,
or maybe it is also happening to me.

feli's phrase

life's a bitch!

feli, guess u wun use it anymore right?
den let me use it!
arghh.

please god, let this naive girl still believe that the world is a beautiful place after all...

; HER CRAZY DAY

9:59 AM