littleuglyduckling

MOVED

2006-12-04T01:32:00.000+07:00

MOVED.
and you wonder where? and what?

ask me, because i can't reach you, you, you and you!

if you think i want to avoid you , dont bother finding out or my words will be hurting each and everytime (and you wonder why it sounds so familiar;)

2006-11-28T23:15:00.000+07:00

I'm helping a friend to advertise, ex-next-to-me-ruler-beating-classmate!
EVA CHIN!
need a personalised shoe, book, website or anything else?
find eva chin!
hocus_pocus7@hotmail.com
these are only sketches!
and she can design , colour according to your preference.
price is negotiable.
quick, before she gets too busy!:)

my wish

2006-11-28T15:37:00.000+07:00

I have decided to remove the post on her because my ultimate aim was to vent and i think it is very much achieved. It was not to change anything about us(kb, if you think i still have this wish, you're wrong), not to get my friends around me to hate her,not for nasty comments, not for tea and sympathy,and i realised , its not to provoke her for a reply. So i removed, to prevent those unintended consequences.

But i'm glad to once again, feel the loves of my life:)
My BestBud
Animal family-jaime,kb,quanrui
Cheryl
and maybe :)?

And khayboon thank you for irritating me,
you asked if there's any wish i want to fulfil that is within you abilities,

I want a 5day/wk job that earns me $1500 a month and it better not involve any standing.
I want to open up a restaurant, all classy and yet affordable.
(with yoke sun cooking the famous tom yam, with eugene seducing all the customers, with janice attending to difficult customers, with jaime designing our uniform, with ahpek& wendy putting their BIT&Marketing skills in the selling it online and advertising, with you testing all the food and with me, collecting money.)
I want to get AAA A1 for my A's.
I want to get into the Singapore Netball team.
I want to turn back time to when i was 11 so i can play basketball all day and night.

so tell me what is within your ability? increasingly impossible isn't it?
SO WHEN I SAY NONE, I MEAN NONE!
I know you're driving at the friendship wish last year but i'm no longer naive.
And a wish is something out of my reach, so just forget it.

2006-11-26T23:39:00.000+07:00

That's life.

i hate you, i want to.

2006-11-26T00:05:00.000+07:00

REPOSTED.

since you asked.

i lost the thing for blogging and then its you again.

"
n she talks abt me in her blog again!!! i dont uds
why she hates me so
much.had been friggin 2 years alrdy. i onli hao xin wish her
all e best for
A's and she suddenly dig up all the past stuffs AGAIN.i alrdy
apologised n
all. mayb its reali difficult for her to forgive or i duno wad
la.but ya tis
post of hers was actually quite lenient alrdy. her previous posts
were so
much worse.

"It took you so long to realise that what you claim
as a
friend is already long gone. I'm the someone you paid the least or even
none
of attention to. Yet ,you've always been the one i paid most of mine to.
Like i said, its not your hectic life that made the distance, its where you
place that me in you. I reckon it is definitely not anywhere near to your
heart.
I'd rather not keep the friendship if it means patching up and
feeling the
distance again and again. It is enough to kill. When was the
last time you saw
my face? do you even remember? My last birthday, all i
wanted was presence. And
sorry was the word you gave, and it has always been
the case . I'll get back to
you after i obtain a diploma on how to treat you
as someone who dont matter much
anymore. Like getting a diploma, it takes
years. I know things won't be the same
anymore. Meanwhile, you can just get
back to your life, nothing new isnt it? It
has always been without me."

and altho i said im gona hate her , i know
its all my fault.her
words are always so hurting.each n everytime.I dun even
remb how i make
myself fall into this type of situation with her.but i'll always
remb e fun
and sweet times i had with her last time:)oh man. suddenly with proj,
lack
of sleep and all floodin me now. and wit her tis post, i suddenly wana cry
la.ARGH ITS NOT LIK I COMMIT ANY CRIMES, WHY CANT SHE JUS FORGIVE N
FORGET!!!!!!!!!!KILL ME
first you admitted that it is you. did you realise i didnt even mention
your name?
so your subconscious mind must be going...
took so long to
realise liting is already long gone - tick
paid the least attention to
liting - tick
its not my hectic life that made the distance - tick
she
is not even near my heart - tick
the friendship will be breaking up(i can't
be bothered) and patching up again(when i suddenly think of you, one in a
million years) - tick
always giving a sorry when she ask me out - tick
always been a life without her, so insignificant - tick

then "OH BITCH TALKING ABT ME AGAIN!"
Like you can quote mine in your blog, i can too.
Anyway since, you dont know why...
then let to clear your doubt meaning - more hurtful stuff.
at this point, you can leave if you can't be bothered, or like you said, afraid to get hurt.
also, there goes my dignity.

2years back,
we got our results and also decided to play netball with juniors the very next day.
almost all of you gave me a reluctant yes so i asked again, but all of you still agreed.
and i found out that ALL of you are discussing behind my back on how to get away with it.
that night, my phone is suddenly flooded with all the smses at the same time saying you guys cant go, leaving me to settle all the stuff with doreen and apologising for that.
and how nice,
i found out that you guys went tp to check out courses behind my back.
and the reason you gave, you don't know what course to take.
of all people , why you?
i wouldn't be furious if i didnt know that.
do you even think that i've any choice in mind? i was more clueless than anyone of you and yet none of you even bothered to ask and think about asking me along.
thats why i tried avoiding tp as one of my choice.

if esther was the netball captain, would it have been esther going through all this?
that is why when miss teng and miss geeva ask me whether i'm confident and willing to be the ny captain . i gave a firm no because im afraid things will turn out this way. And it is this sole reason, i refused.

"
.i felt. i felt. that they weren't there when i needed sum1.not even a
'hello'despite the times i stood by them.they're always to busy for me.i
dunno.maybe it wasnt really a frienship anyway.i was being a mere nanny of
their.comforting you when u cry.

after a while, i soon got over it.
and you know all the time, i won't be the one saying sorry, i won't be the one breaking the ice.
therefore, those who didnt start talking to me after that, were all outta my life.
i know esther did try, but my blog pissed her off.

(i stop trying to hate her when i see all the effort she put in her handmade stuff just for me. )
You and i started talking a little at the gathering at kb house and swimming at wendy house.
But you really drifted away ever since.
Until my bday, i thought you would at least spare some time for this little celebration.
i don't know whether it was an excuse or a reason, you said you dont have enough money.
i even wanted to change the place to sumo house to make it more affordable which wendy
gave the reply "WA..BUDGET"
maybe you just cant be bothered.
and you know what was my birthday wish that year?
It was to get esther and your friendship back in place.
(i don't know why i want it back when it has always been a onesided/way thing)
but i know that is beyond reach and i wouldnt wish for it this year.

i soon got over that birthday thing, until...
i happen to chance upon weijie's blog,
so you especially went to give someone a surprise(at the 'glasshouse' ) to make up for his birthday that you didnt go.
well well, i wouldnt be all so worked up if you were saying all the nice things about him in the past.

If you bother to make up for someone that you didnt really like,
then i must be someone you really hate or dont even bother about.
i hate to think about all those things i did for you , thinking you're my best friend and thought you felt the same, and only to deserve all this.

i hate to be the last to know about your new bf, which apparently is not new by the time i got to know thru wendy.
the only thing that you did confessed to me about, is that your heart no longer thumps when you see him and you know what? thats the first thing i heard about your bf.
i hate it when people ask me about you thinking we're bestfriends when i know in fact nothing anymore.
i hate you for always making time for that group and none for animal family, whats more for me?
i hate to think about all the things you all said about each other behind each others back and having to get away with it,still happy and close.
while when i say it in your face, when i show how i feel, i'm left all alone.
i really hate how i could be all of your secret bin those years, i get to hear all the nasty stuff you say about each other, and having to keep it to myself and seeing you smiling and playing with the one you talked about.
remember how some of you said, "she is boycrazy, behave very differently when there is *** around" , " dont care about her lah, she is always this *****"...
dont get it wrong, i'm not trying to break all of you up, i guess you guys are not like this anymore. i just dont get it, would you rather i talk behind your back or say it in your face?
everybody get angry sometimes, and it is always me taking all the blame.
ok maybe i get angry many times. fine.

oh it all dont matter now.

sorry will not cure because thats about where you stop.
you dont even bother meeting up, smsing, and even talking on msn.
like any relationship, when you end with a sorry and nothing else,
It is gone and probably thats what you want.

i'm still sore about it because i feel so stupid to actually think you're really my bestfriend,
to actually try to ask for help when "you use candles in your house",
to try and cover up when kaichen ask about it,
to surprise you with meesiam when you didnt bring enough money,
to defend you when some people talk about you behind your back,
to worry about your problem - bf ,family or friends.
in the past.

were you there with me during my toughest times?
no, not toughest because you are the reason for my toughest time.
i know i may not talk about my problems.
but that is because you always thought i was strong enough to handle it.
so none of you even bothered to just - be there.
too busy, working, shopping, clubbing.
just no time for me.

i really hope we didnt go into the same kindergarten so i won't be bothered about talking to you during sec1 and we probably won't become what i think as "bestfriends".
i really wish you didnt give me that pillow because all it did was made me dream of you.
i feel really stupid,people are always troubled about boyfriends and love while mine is all about you and them.
when i listen to sad songs like this, its you i see.
its you i blog.
SHIT. i hate you.
please tell me what you did for me, what is it that is so worth forgiving , so worth forgetting about all those bad memories,
so i wont hate you.
i'm sorry i was trying so hard to hate you that i have forgotten about those fun and sweet memories.

and all i can do now is to blame you.
because you allowed me to.
tell me something that i'm at fault ,
maybe that will stop me from saying those harsh things.
to me, those memories is as vivid as thou yesterdays.
you think its easy to forgive and forget?

you think i dont want to?

its hurting me more than it hurts you.
i still wish i'll have nice things to say about you,

"
Joined netball.
found oUt my KINDERGARTEN friend.
F-E-L-I-C-I-A!
she
didn't remember me.
until i showed her our photo.
silly kitten
*oh
damn*
why am i stating the obvious!?
we're got closed very soon.
perhaps it's cuz we known each other once?
lols. sounds weird .
i remember she told me abt e "raisin" .
her secret i guess.
when we're not
even in the same class den.
dun wanna say who e "raisin" is.
or she'll
kill me.

here goes.
felicia ..
felicia used to be weak n like a water tap.
keep crying n crying.
cry baby.
after numerous love failures.
she finally came out with a conclusion.
no love is forever.
well. i
do agree.
but nvm.
she's pretty.
but words affect her a whole lot.
remember.
you're beautiful.
no matter wat they say.
cuz words
cant bring u down.
next time maybe i wun have a chance to console u
so u
better remember huh.
ya.
she's very fun to disturb.
always giggle n
luff at e slightest joke.
when she hears somethin shocking.
her eyes
will become bigger than e original 2cm.
n go "HuH!?"
and when we tell
her we're jk.
she hit u on the hand.
luff n say "wu liao" or "childish"
when she herself finds it funny.
she loves to go KBOX.
n sing.
she love her voice.
so she dun like ppl to sing along
when she's
singing
so better be careful.
or the sick cat will becum -tiger!
she
.
hates to hear me say e name
j-a-m-e-s
lol
she used to be
vulgar.
but not anymore.
nv say "cb", "knn".
is now hardworking
lol .. must be my influence leading this stray cat onto e right path.
"
and i guessed its esther who told you about the previous entry? esther tell her about this again.
i want to hear what she has to say.
thou not for your sake, say something to let me stop trying to hate you.
its easier holding on then letting go.

thank el* for alerting me about that. i'd rather not be left in the dark. :)
el , you rock!

and of course, i'll treasure those loves i have in my life now

2006-11-02T22:38:00.000+07:00

real ups ,downs and a BANG like a rollercoaster ride.

up: was angela ,the postcard that she gave and we're finally talking again. are you reading this? lets not break our promise and crash tp together with the rest okay! (except that its one year later.)

down: stupid bus driver, how do you want both of us to flag the bus early when the bus already stopped? and excuse me, it is us running to the door and with you looking right at us. stop making use of the stupid "flag your bus early" campaign to humiliate weak-looking girls like us.(but definitely not) I'm glad you did shut up when i told you to. Stupid campaign and with some bloody rude bus driver. World class transport system? want more singaporeans to take the public transport? DREAM ON.(at least not until you get rid of the pest on the bus- including the drivers)

BANG: It took you so long to realise that what you claim as a friend is already long gone. I'm the someone you paid the least or even none of attention to. Yet ,you've always been the one i paid most of mine to. Like i said, its not your hectic life that made the distance, its where you place that me in you. I reckon it is definitely not anywhere near to your heart. I'd rather not keep the friendship if it means patching up and feeling the distance again and again. It is enough to kill. When was the last time you saw my face? do you even remember? My last birthday, all i wanted was presence. And sorry was the word you gave, and it has always been the case . I'll get back to you after i obtain a diploma on how to treat you as someone who dont matter much anymore. Like getting a diploma, it takes years. I know things won't be the same anymore. Meanwhile, you can just get back to your life, nothing new isnt it? It has always been without me.

i think i know what you're thinking, scold me for being so sadistic if you want to

videos

2006-10-26T17:55:00.000+07:00

the little things in life.

2006-10-15T00:53:00.000+07:00

last day of school's pictures.
share.shutterfly.com/action/welcome?sid=2Acsmzdu1bsXKw

2006-10-14T23:15:00.000+07:00

FRIDAY THE THIRTEEN !

was really friday the thirteen.

(i dont want to post the closeup pic taken by huimin because its damn gross)

even after this i continued playing and ended up having terrible muscle cramp that is still hurting now. The worst has yet to come though. I went home and whined to my mum about it and she so sweetly gave me this tube and told me to apply it saying that it helps in healing and its 'cooling' after application. So i did what was told. At first, i only applied a lil' but there's no effect so i used much more .
and my wound became BURNING HOT!
Worst of all, i realised that tube is for irritated skin. burns and not for wounds.
mummy, thanks ar!
that is so helpful.

So was friday the thirteen, graduation day.
it wasn't so pleasantly memorable
unlike in btss's,
when you think that after this day everything is gonna change(and it did)
and you just dont wanna move on
you wish time stood still and you secretly wanna tear every moment of that day.
okay, more like 'I' than 'you'.

i have so many things i want to say,
but not today.

But i must thank
Shulian (butterfly)
- always adding colours to my life
Zoe (penguin)
-cold on the outside yet adorable inside.
cheryl (monkey)
- always laughing WITH me at my weird jokes even when its not funny, she'll try to force a laugh.
Huimin (bear)
- always the one who looks for me and i look for when i feel so fed up with all the weird people.
And also Angela , my mortal?
- someone who is still so special even after whatever that happened.

without anyone of you, life would have been very different in nanyang.

and the netballers of course, esp. Jokkuan, Liqi and Yingxi.

and those who impacted my life in one way or another.

2006-10-07T14:05:00.000+07:00

Sorry for the really slow reply.

cherylyeo:

thankss to yoouuu!

jok :

yea :)

arjha:

sorry i was late this year but at least im the first for your 18th , haha.

min:

=_=" it was that long/short all along? haha you too! AAA A1!

hazel:

okay i'll relink soon ! i'm not okay :( mugging for A levels. but i'll be okay in 40days time! whee!

chiayin:

mug hard too :) the song is "when there was you and me" i can send you if you're online if you dont mind risking.

kitty flamingo

2006-09-24T13:16:00.000+07:00

This is strictly for kitty flamingo aka baoxin's fans only.
unless you're gay, dont bother to play it.

it our baoxin imitating miss swan.

and a lil' bit of janice :) - please lower your speaker's volume.

cookie making videos.

2006-09-24T01:54:00.000+07:00

i cant stand wongbaoxin.
"my mother say..... you know?"

forever bickering.

2006-09-23T22:54:00.000+07:00

| View | Add Favorite

prelims.

2006-09-23T00:25:00.000+07:00

stop to exam trauma but not an end.
(next up : SICKENING ALEVELS. )

when there was me and you

2006-09-19T00:29:00.000+07:00

Looking from the outside

I'm standing here but all I want

Is to be over there

Why did I let myself believe

Miracles could happen

'Cause now I have to pretend

That I don't really care

I thought you were my fairytale

A dream when I'm not sleeping

A wish upon a star that's coming true

But everybody else could tell

That I confused my feelings with the truth

When there was me and you

I swore I knew the melody

That I heard you singing

And when you smiled you made me

Feel like I could sing along

But then you went and changed the words

Now my heart is empty

I'm only left with used-to-be's

Once upon a song

Now I know you're not a fairytale

And dreams were meant for sleeping

And wishes on a star just don't come true

'Cause now, even I can tell

That I confused my feelings with the truth

'Cause I liked the view

When there was me and you

I can't believe that I could be so blind

It's like you were floating while I was falling

And I didn't mind

'Cause I liked the view

Thought you felt it too

When there was me and you

B A B I E S And me.

2006-09-16T23:36:00.000+07:00

sneaky captures - they're really cute!!!

BABY AT MOS

BABY AT KFC

ANOTHER BABY AT MOS
(ignore my hair please . my rubber band gave way. )

all work and no play makes jack a dull boy.

half work and half play makes liting a dumbass!

the stupid things i do .
- and yes konniekao , its a youtube video now. harh.

prelims.

2006-09-15T23:32:00.000+07:00

prelims spells disaster for me.

catastrophic.

whether maths, geo or the manageable econs ( or so they say)

i can hardly tell myself - its okay, its only prelims.

because the next is A levels and i'm far from being prepared.

GOD SAVE ME!

i kept listening to "when you believe" & "through the rain".

- there can be miracles when you believe...

yes im in need of a miracle.

whenever i'm down,

i turn to you - bunny swan.

HARH.

thanks tooo youuu.

miss swan gives you wings!

hmm... maybe its okay if i fail A's.

I'll be a PE teacher.

thats not bad.

PLAY ALL DAY!

COME QUICK

2006-09-09T00:47:00.000+07:00

The Bottom Line
Good things are about to happen that will make you forget all the recent bad stuff!

In Detail
Maybe all your career plans aren't moving forward as quickly as you'd like. (BIGTICK)
Maybe that terse conversation you had with a friend is still unresolved.(BIGGERTICK) Maybe you're tired of waiting for that phone call that seems less and less likely to come. No matter what negatives you're feeling now, you need to remember that there are many new opportunities and ideas that have achieved a solid foothold in your life. Good things are about to happen, and they'll make you forget all the bad stuff!

GOOD THINGS COME QUICK~

goodbyefelicia

2006-09-07T23:41:00.000+07:00

i got it, fw.

i got it.

what took me so long?

its not your hectic life, its not some misunderstandings.

12 complete years.

deleted,deleted, deleted.

bye.

i hope our paths will never meet, ever again.

and whoever,

please don't ask .

don't even mention it.

random. almost last post

2006-07-28T21:28:00.000+07:00

so so random.

without my specs, i'm as blind as a bat .

although i dislike chocolate-like leeches, but i think its not really that bad afterall.

i wanna puke when i see your so sweet yet so insincere smile.

i would like to think i have a unique sense of humour that is incomprehensible, not lame.

but i do appreciate those who still care to listen, :)

i love my nanyang endorphins. zoe, huimin, shulian,cheryl and angela too

i want all of them to score AAA and A1.

i miss animal family.

i have 3months more to A levels.

this blog is gonna be officially pronounced dead on 1august.

i am gonna be a full time nerd, so excuse me.

during my MIA, whatever just sms me.

call me out to mug, i'll be free.

i hate bad service, tampines mall's longjohn is the last place i want to dine at.

i want to get a driving license!

i want to learn to cook.

and i think, im starting to like black.

though green still appeals to me most.

i wanna play netball badminton basketball and pepsi cola.

i wanna bring my dad and mum to sakura, i think they'll love it.

i noticed many people are really troubled today, everybody cheer up!

whenever you have a problem, "dont say god i have a big problem!"

say, " hey problem i have a big God "

hope no words, no actions, no amount of stress will bring all of you down, again.

2006-07-24T21:57:00.000+07:00

GOODBYE MY DARLING RABBITS.

i'll miss you.

little girl

2006-07-21T19:07:00.000+07:00

she walked alone, yes w-a-l-k when everyone else is skating .

:)supercute.

2006-07-21T17:28:00.000+07:00

i woke up late and ruined my plans for today:(

(i slept for like eons, but my eyebag just wont go away)

so in the end, i ps-ed the class and fantong.

i'm sorry.

esp to huimin who tried giving me morning calls but to no avail.

guess i missed out the pooling, bowling, playing and dining at settlers cafe and tp.

awww. i want the chicken chop:(

and fantong!

mac breakfast tml, i swear i'll wake up in time!

went jogging around the neighbourhood again!

and i felt my age.

jog for 30mins, and even slower than in the past.

yes, im old.

i thought i could still bounce and sprint like how i always do in chaichee.

playing block catching, ice and water, police and thief .....

i want to grow younger and younger:(

more play and less work!

yea, dream on.

i miss chaichee.

i wish there are friends ,like those in chaichee, in sembawang.

so they can PLAY with me.

okay maybe not police and thief and all those games,

but basketball!

i miss basketball.

and i think im going to get a basketball, soon.

but meanwhile,

i'll mug hard.

daddy bought me a new study table.

thats why i've been doing my tutorials:)

and also new bed for me and my sister,

thats why i am sleeping longer than i should, recently.

and joshua's words is still in my mind,

no, more like preying on my mind.

and its freaking me out.

ARRRR...

my precious

2006-07-13T22:01:00.000+07:00

Life is full of lots of up and downs

But the distance feels further

When it's headed for the ground

And there's nothing more painful

Then to let your feelings take you down

When there's many thoughts

And feelings that you hide

But you might feel better

If you let me walk with you

By your side

And when you need

A shoulder to cry on

When you need

A friend to rely on

When the whole world is gone

You won't be alone

I'll be there

I'll be your shoulder to cry on

I'll be there

I'll be your friend to rely on

When the whole world's gone

You won't be alone 'cause i'll be there

All of the times

When everything is wrong

And your feeling like

There's no use going on

You can't give it up

I'll help you work it out

And carry on

Side by side

With you till the end

I'll always be the one

To firmly hold your hand

No matter what is said or done

Our love will always continue on

dear you,

i can understand how you feel,

i'll be there whenever you want me to,

but i'm sorry,

as much as people say,

Happiness shared is doubled,

and Sadness shared, is halved.

i dont think yours is any near to being halved.

but i won't give up trying to ease your pain.

and you know i'll always be there.

you got to.

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.

- Isaac Asimov

2006-06-29T23:02:00.000+07:00

i deserve more cheers now,

i woke up to jog in the morning before maths paper.

was actually dragged out of my bed by my mum.

mind you, my mum is good.

she can run 4km without stopping.

so next time when i say,

"my mum can run faster and further than you do!"

its no joke:)

she's a wonderwoman

2006-06-27T19:51:00.000+07:00

three cheers for me!

after like 2months, finally went jogging.

non-stop for slightly more than 30mins.

yay :)

though needless to say, my speed was comparable to a snail.

no kathy

2006-06-26T22:50:00.000+07:00

6 hours of doing maths and writing essay kills.

schools should never do such a thing to a poor 17-year old girl like me:(

and Zoe and i stoned throughout the journey home, literally.

and there is no kathy here.

despite telling you, you got the wrong number

you left 17misscall on my phone(or more) today.

i'll answer your call and TALK to you

so you'll never want to call this number in you entire life again.

you're lucky, i'm burned out today so was not prepared to answer your call.

SO CALL ME TML !

i reckon it'll be like the ahbeng & indian conversation

-minus the vulgarities though.

2006-06-24T22:54:00.000+07:00

:(i hate exams.

lame card

2006-06-11T07:54:00.000+07:00

okay, its 852am and i haven slept a wink.
and i'm going to BBQ AGAIN:)
and going to buy presents in a few hours time.
and i spent the whole night doing a super ugly looking birthday card for jaime, as advised by my horoscope - to not buy expensive gift but to make one. and there goes my beauty sleep.
but since she was one of the few who had given me self-drawn birthday card i shall be nice (no , not the card) too.
my AQ - Art quotient is zero.
and LQ - positive infinity.LAME quotient.
i'm SUPER LAME. challenge me!
okay, gtg go catch some wink!
here's the bits and pieces of the LC. LAME CARD.
please excuse me, i'm proud of my lameness.

2006-06-05T22:06:00.000+07:00

they'll kill me.

2006-06-05T20:29:00.000+07:00

My horoscope:)

In Detail
A work or school drama is carrying over into your free time, and this is growing into a problem. The fact is, people are demanding too much of you right now. It's time to be clear about what you can (and cannot) do for them. This applies to both your personal and business lives, but it's much more relevant to work or school right now. Shocking, thoughtless remarks will come from a surprising source; don't take them personally, though.

The Bottom Line

Certain people make thoughtless remarks; don't take them personally, just move on.

so i shall not be disturbed by his remarks.

right koonnie?

so you too!

although what he said about me was quite true.

but i'll move on and mug hard.

everryyonnnee tooooo!

2006-06-03T23:29:00.000+07:00

senior's farewell slideshow

sorry just manage to put up so photos in it.

for more, check out wanting's album:)

netball senoirs farewell

2006-06-03T11:05:00.000+07:00

netball seniors farewell was ...

WAAAYYY FUUUNNN.

i will blog about this when wanting uploads the pic and i am not lazy anymore .

THANK YOU JUNOIRS.

LOVE YOU ALL.

actually, i was doing this blog for the seniors.

but i think i ran out of resources.

wanted to do a slideshow but apparently my powerpoint was way outdated.

downloaded some programmes but it didnt work well.

arghh.

so there goes the idea.

and if u wanna to get the blog alive by updating or doing something,

www.nyjcnetball.blogspot.com

username: nanyangnb

password: (whatiswrittenonthetiles)

pessimism

2006-06-02T22:49:00.000+07:00

i would really like to think that there are good people in the world.

yes, i have met some seemingly good people...

but when i get to know some better,

i knew it was delusion.

some are merely tactful yet so fake.

some flashes her sweetest smile, but insincere.

some are secretly wanting a share that dont belong.

some are forever talking behind their friends back.

some just suck up to you when in need, and leave right after.

some..some..some..

thats not equivalent to ' many '

but more likely 'much'

i hate 'over the hedge'

somehow cartoons create the delusion that theres always pure and innocent people around who really cares for one another blah blah.

like hammy.

creates the impression in kids that the world is perfect.

i think they should watch more power rangers, ultraman and anything of this sort.

so they know life is about a fight.

i understand what is meant by the word reality

and why it always go with the word harsh.

i think i think too much.

(see there is two 'think' - and 3 now!)

oh and i hate bitches who give the

"i dont like your joke, its not funny at all" - look

and i can tell they're really sincere in trying to put you down.

(not refering to those who are joking too- i can tell)

i like people who are sincere but not those for that reason.

and i can't stand the fact that people keeps telling me not mix with certain people and yet they are doing so.

worst of all, the so called victim knows nuts about this backstabbing and would probably never will know.

Ignorance is bliss?

blessing that you thought an enemy was a friend?

or would you rather know the truth?

I hate the action of people pushing my head with their fingers.

i'll feel like slapping their face right after that.

so please dont do that.

and in the first place, i'm not close to you.

some people just scored a negative infinity for EQ.

ok enough pessimism.

life is still wonderful when you try to close one eye.

life is still beautiful when you know that some of your friends are the minority, as in almost perfect, with high EQ, same frequency, sincere and everything nice.

my minorities! i love you:)

2006-05-21T23:22:00.000+07:00

and so it was a sprain after all.

now i dont just have a weak left ankle but a right too.

damn.

what a closure for netball .

just pray that i'll get better on thursday.

i WANT to PLAY.

meanwhile, i'll try to resist the temptation of cold drinks.

2006-05-14T21:47:00.000+07:00

yummy mutarbak with little china girlfriend:)

(okay, now hear or rather read me whine!)

i just so don't want to go school for the whole of next week.

i don't want to make morning announcement and take the pledge!

i dont want!

totally freaked out when i heard i have to.

i'll probably drop dead after taking a step forward to say

"our.... (pledge)"

i don't want!:(

rain for the whole week please!

pleasegodplease.

or will liqi be so kind to take over me for the whole week.

i dont want !
why must student leaders be assign such a task?

can't it be the firstaider?(huimin) CTrep(cheryl)?

haha.

ok they're laughing at me now:(

yaya, only making morning announcement,

but some people just dont have the courage to.

and that is none other than me.

yeah.

and today, someone told me about x being bitchy.

in the past i probably would have defended her.

but now, somehow, i just kept quiet.

maybe, we lost it all.

yea, i think we did.

no i think you and i did.

you no longer care

(or at least i took years to realise you never did)

and maybe i no longer too.

just how fragile can it be?

2006-05-14T11:45:00.000+07:00

i love my giant baby white:)
thanks girlfriend for grabbing it for me.
but you haven got yours yet:(

i love netball trainings now.
i wish the sky will never get dark.
so we can go on playing forever.
because soon, i know it'll all be over.

but i dont get it,
why some just can't wait for it to end?
show how much netball mean to them.
mere CCA, nothing more than that.

MADNESS

2006-04-29T22:18:00.000+07:00

2006-04-26T00:15:00.000+07:00

Many nights we prayed, with no proof anyone could hear

In our hearts a hopeful song, we barely understood

Now we are not afraid, although we know there's much to fear

We were moving mountains long before we knew we could

There can be miracles, when you believe

Though hope is frail, it's hard to kill

Who knows what miracles, you can achieve,

When you believe, somehow you will

You will when you believe

In this time of fear, when prayer so often proves in vain

Hope seems like the summer birds, too swiftly flown away

Yet now I'm standing here, my heart so full I can't explain

Seeking faith and speaking words, I'd never thought I'd say

There can be miracles, when you believe (When you believe)

Though hope is frail, it's hard to kill

Who knows what miracles, you can achieve (You can achieve)

When you believe, somehow you will

You will when you believe

They don't always happen when you ask

And it's easy to give in to your fear

But when you're blinded by your pain

Can't see your way safe through the rain

A small but still resilient voice

Says help is very near

There can be miracles (miracles)

When you believe (When you believe)

Though hope is frail

It's hard to kill

Who knows what miracles

You can achieve (You can achieve)

When you believe

Somehow you will

You will when you believe

Just believe, just believe

You will when you believe

2006-04-20T20:41:00.000+07:00

i love every inch of them.

don't mind the injury or the 'slap' joke.

laugh till i almost drop dead.

never been better.

netball:)

yayness.
wanted to do something for them.

but i need a camera.

2006-04-15T22:18:00.000+07:00

i always wonder,

how can something so precious at one point of time,

be totally outta one's mind at another?

here today, gone tomorrow.

i want to hold on to it forever for as long as i can.

friends.

(or are they?)

they always say "i'll never forget you"

they always say "friends forever"

and all the words soothing to your ears.

i think that is more than just my naivety to believe there is such a thing.

khayboon was right.

most 'friendship' are defeated by time.

(maybe thats why its a ship, it sinks)

moving on,

part and parcel of life.

but can't we at least try to bring along what we can?

i find it hard to move on with the past unsettled.

and "friends are friends forever...."

BULLSHIT.

now,

i can only promise the present.

and just who knows,

i might not even believe in the present in time to come.

*SHRUGSTHISOFF*

don't know if i'll contradict myself by typing this.

dear you,

if you don't like it,don't like them,don't like what you see.

you can turn your back now and you'll see me.

ok, you can close your eyes - at least you can't see the unpleasant.

but i've got big ears and muscular shoulders if you really need someone.

me.

2006-04-12T20:42:00.000+07:00

heeellllooooo.

seems so empty .

(just listen to the echooooo)

harh. not funny.

and i had drumming crash course on sat.

although i couldnt even coordinate the hands and leg movement.

whats more to follow the simple 1-2-3-4 beat.

but LOVE it :)

A'div is round the corner

and everyone is injured:(

everybody get well soon!

rjc friendly is cancelled too.

was actually looking forward to it.

maybe its better this way,

everybody get well soon!

no, NOW~

and who knows,

i will never touch netball again after the tournaments.

thats so sad.

and for the time being,

its netball, mug , sleep and eat.

block test results is out,

i couldnt ask for more.

its my best so far.

not like its of any good in the eyes of others.

but who cares about comparing.

its my best .

at least im no longer scoring Distinction Excellent and Fantastic.

none of the above:)

and i must thank huimin:)

for mugging with me.

attending to my ever so stupid questions.

the tortoise with sunglasses:)

and i'm looking forward to GOOD FRIDAY.

and tml's training!?

YABADABADOOOOOOOOOOOO!(tutorial)

lame ~ if you even get the 'joke'.

ZEN!

2006-03-19T22:19:00.000+07:00

toot knows,

I'M SAVING FOR THAT.

Eat less, save more!

reality check.

block test is tml.

can't wait for it to be over.

partly because i hate to see that side of you.

2006-03-18T22:13:00.000+07:00

someone called and spoke in an indian accent.

he sounded like joshua.

and i replied "i'm from india, na-von-da-ka-dey-li-key-dey"

in that accent too!

but i got bored because he only said "huh? singaporean?"

and so i hang up the phone.

if its a prank, tell me who you are okay.

because you suck at it.

if its really an indian,

i apologise.

i heard the silence long enough.

honestly, it kills.

but i dont seek forgiveness,

i'm not in the wrong in the first place?

stubborn, i am.

a break

2006-03-17T18:34:00.000+07:00

MMMM.

mugging makes me mad.

some distractions.

okayokay, maybe not some.

i'm guilty of playing online games for the whole evening!

and this,

You Should Weigh 175

If you weigh less than this, you either have a fast metabolism or are about to gain weight.
If you weigh more than this, you may be losing a few pounds soon!

How Much Do You Weigh?

ABOUT TO GAIN WEIGHT! :)

Your Power Color Is Teal

At Your Highest:

You feel accomplished and optimistic about the future.

At Your Lowest:

You feel in a slump and lack creativity.

In Love:

You tend to be many people's ideal partner.

How You're Attractive:

You make people feel confident and accepted.

Your Eternal Question:

"What Impression Am I Giving?"

What's Your Power Color?

You Are a Warrior Soul

You're a strong person and sometimes seen as intimidating.
You don't give up. You're committed and brave.
Truly adventuresome, you are not afraid of going to battle.
Extremely protective of loved ones, you root for the underdog.

You are picky about details and rigorous in your methods.
You also value honesty and fairness a great deal.
You can be outspoken, intimidating, headstrong, and demanding.
You're a hardliner who demands the best from themselves and others.

Souls you are most compatible with: Old Soul and Peacemaker Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

drift further and further away.

2006-03-14T22:01:00.000+07:00

I love animal family.

(those who turned up)

some people change.

they really do.

and you drift.

i don't know you, anymore.

is that what you want?

sure you got it.

2006-03-12T19:38:00.000+07:00

I sincerely apologise for the MIA.

nobody really bothers to read my blog anyway.

(animal family, if you're here, drop a line or two okay? it seemed like i lost all of you)

so i guess this apology goes out to only eileen and a handful?

Reasons for MIA:

MIA=MIA

MUGGING IN ACTION = MISSING IN ACTION.

just as i thought i am safe and gonna be

after scraping promotional exam.

here comes another stupid blocktest.

and comes another "rats and cocojer" claiming that

bad results = going back to J1.

actually i don't hate him,

(at least when i'm still a J2)

he's just doing his job.

practical, maybe just a little too practical.

so ya.

i'm gonna be away for a week or 2.

yea, you know what i'll be doing.

i'll do a little update about me now.

I'M BLACK.

and everyone agrees.

I DID PUT ON WEIGHT.

and people assured me.

(for your info, its muscles ,OIL and FATS)

HORRAYY:)

and again,

for breakfast,

i ate 2 eggs, 2 slices of bread, 1 youtiao, 3hotcakes, a bite of sausage mcmuffin with egg, half a hashbrown, a cup of coffee and milo ice!

and thats just for breakfast:)

and then i had new york pizza,

hawaiian pizza, liberty red and milo dinosaur.

okay.

I'll not tell you what i'll be eating later.

now you know how i put on weight:)

actually i still have a lot more to say.

but a nerd gotta do what a nerd gotta do!

NERD:)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY WENDY AND BELATED FOR EUGENE.

i'll study hard tml so i can turn up for tues's.

MISSES.

and yes PLEASE, PLEASE.

besides talking too much,

don't give old belongings as presents for classmates' birthday.

we'll know the truth somehow.

like how i know now.

i wish you BAD luck.

and BAD luck, you'll have.

(i'm a good girl, i am!)

ok. BYE.

huimin:)

2006-02-26T09:58:00.000+07:00

the antidote for a hundred enemies, is one nice person.

:)huimin, get well soon.

you can't leave me alone for training tml!

amy and huichiet

2006-02-23T20:30:00.000+07:00

i finished typing yet another harsh entry.

i feel better now.

i didn't post it up because i cant .

since its another 2 more months.

i hope i can tolerate it till the end.

and something that i have to warn only to that 2,

i won't be nice anymore.

get that.

2006-02-19T07:45:00.000+07:00

hotcakes , hotcakes here i come!

HOTCAKES:)

seoul garden

2006-02-18T11:01:00.000+07:00

you know sometimes i don't understand,

whether what i'm seeing is it,

but maybe its okay,

its gonna be over.

free me soon.

anyway, i really love netball now!

lovelies only getting better.

and the not-so-nice is now, nice!

actually i like the way liqi gives us punishment ,

(okay, huimin must be thinking i'm such a sadist)

but, its all this that makes training worth looking back.

i don't know but i personally enjoy doing punishment as a team,

okay okay, i'm a sadist.

went to gym today.

did my 40mins of the 'steps' all at one shot.

because i wanted to save time. yay!

and did my 500shots.

whoots. like finally,

haven't been meeting the 500 due to bad weather.

and i was rushing to meet mushroom head!

to seoulgarden.

all those calories burnt, will be back! :)

was rushing for the student's value.

cheapoo me.

and yes, we found worms on their vegetables!
but who cares,

all i care about is,

icecream, icecream and lots of icecream!

anyway, thanks mushroom head for the treat!

:)loves.

sleep well.

god?

2006-02-12T01:23:00.000+07:00

okay. lost control.
haha. but this is true.

You are Agnostic

You're not sure if God exists, and you don't care.
For you, there's no true way to figure out the divine.
You rather focus on what you can control - your own life.
And you tend to resent when others "sell" religion to you.

What's Your Religious Philosophy?

personality test

2006-02-12T00:21:00.000+07:00

okay, please forgive me. i can't stop myself from doing these personality test. its wayyy cool, thou it may not be true. but harh. who care.

linkies from konnie's blog.

You Are a Powdered Devil's Food Donut

A total sweetheart on the outside, you love to fool people with your innocent image.
On the inside you're a little darker, richer, and more complex.
You're a hedonist who demands more than one pleasure at a time.
Decadent and daring, you test the limits of human indulgence.

What Donut Are You?

*words in bold* - haha. thats quite true.

You Are a Peacemaker Soul

You strive to please others and compromise anyway you can.
War or conflict bothers you, and you would do anything to keep the peace.
You are a good mediator and a true negotiator.
Sometimes you do too much, trying so hard to make people happy.

While you keep the peace, you tend to be secretly judgmental.
You lose respect for people who don't like to both give and take.
On the flip side, you've got a graet sense of humor and wit.
You're always dimplomatic and able to give good advice.

Souls you are most compatible with: Warrior Soul, Hunter Soul and Visionary Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

*words in bold* - hardly, i'm always the one declaring war. haha.

You Have a Choleric Temperament

You are a person of great enthusiasm - easily excited by many things.
Unsatisfied by the ordinary, you are reaching for an epic, extraordinary life.
You want the best. The best life. The best love. The best reputation.

You posses a sharp and keen intellect. Your mind is your primary weapon.
Strong willed, nothing can keep you down. Your energy can break down any wall.
You're an instantly passionate person - and this passion gives you an intoxicating power over others.

At your worst, you are a narcissist. Full of yourself and even proud of your faults.
Stubborn and opinionated, you know what you think is right. End of discussion.
A bit of a misanthrope, you often see others as weak, ignorant, and inferior.

What Temperment Are You?

Your Love Life Secrets Are

Looking back on your life, you will only have one true love.

You've been deeply wounded in the past, and you're still recovering from that hurt.

You expect a lot from your lover - you want the full package. You tend to be very picky.

In fights, you speak your mind and don't hold back. You know you're right, and you can get quite angry about it.

Getting over a break-up doesn't take long. Easy come, easy go.

Your Love Life Secrets, Revealed

You Should Be A Cancer

What's good about you: you're incredibly kind, caring, and generous

What's bad about you: you can be too moody and impossible to understand

In love: you enjoy wining and dining the object of your affection

In friendship, you're: likely to depend on other friends for emotional support

Your ideal job: historian, marine biologist, or religious figure

Your sense of fashion: you dress to match your mood

You like to pig out on: classic home cooked meals, like mac and cheese

What Sign Should You Be?

Your Candy Heart Says "Hug Me"

A total sweetheart, you always have a lot of love to give out.
Your heart is open to where ever love takes you!

Your ideal Valentine's Day date: a surprise romantic evening that you've planned out

Your flirting style: lots of listening and talking

What turns you off: fighting and conflict

Why you're hot: you're fearless about falling in love

What Does Your Candy Heart Say?

Who Should Paint You: Pablo Picasso

Your an expressive soul who shows many emotions, with many subtleties
Only a master painter could represent your glorious contradictions

What Artist Should Paint Your Portrait?

CONTROL!

haha. i'll do it next time.

too much .

harh.

don't keep thinking about winning

2006-02-11T22:06:00.000+07:00

and i haven't been blogging.

maybe its miss audrey's words.

if you have something you don't like, stop worrying and stop talking about it, because that's why its bothering you. that keeps it alive.

hey you.
don't keep thinking about winning,

as much as you think its not obvious,

it is.

so, don't.

i know mentioning this keeps it alive.

but somehow,

i hope you'll change.

anyway,

its a happy day.

shopping for vday gift ideas with toot.

bought things for myself instead.

terrible me.

x-country

2006-01-28T08:07:00.000+07:00

yesterday was a complete disappointment.

It was x-country yesterday.

The netballers pinned high hopes on me.

They were doing cheers for me.

I'm a complete loser.

I wouldn't mind whatever that happen if i gave it my all.

At least, i promised myself i will never stop to walk.

The run starting okay.

until i reach the intimidating slopes,

both uphill and downhill.

uphill made me lose all my momentum

and downhill should supposedly make you faster.

But i so stupidly slowed down simply because,

i was afraid that i'll fall.

and then, i was completely drained.

I heard two voices within me,

"PUSH ON"

"WALK, IT DOESN'T MATTER ANYMORE"

Good will always triumph over evil?

no, not today.

And i started to walk.

That moment, i knew it was all over.

I saw people running past me.

In my last 4 years of cross country,

i didn't even walk an inch.

No one ever ran past me in the last 4 years.

(exclude the incident of azliza, she started with the boys and i couldn't catch up with her, whats more to say about running past me.)

and now,

i'm running for my cca

with all the weights on my shoulders,

and i let this happen.

and i walked not once, but twice before picking myself up again.

I reached the finishing line.

It was a crying shame.

Liqi was there.

she showered me all the things that you know people would normally do.

the netballers came back.
They asked.

i know they didn't quite get the answer they'd like to hear.

but they all said it was good. blah blah.

although i really wish someone would reprimand me for this,

so i'll feel better.

and i didn't tell them,

i walked.

I didn't apologise.

i was drown in my own misery

thinking that i could have done better.

because what i just did,

not only prove the unworthiness of me,

but also,netball.

the bloody botak head must be so damn happy.

because what i did , proved him right.

the jokes of the netballers cheered me up,

if only for a while.

during the prize presentation,

it all came tumbling down, again

they were the ones running past when i was walking.

they were beside me, just that moment.

but i lost it.

so much for my 1st and last x-country in ny.

never mind about x-country.

went for lunch at tpy with cheryl and konnie.

still not full strength.

like when will the day come?

okay.

so we ate the not-so-nice satay beehoon.

and yummyummy almond longan!
took pics and went different ways.

i went to meet toot,

to shop for new year clothings,like so last minute.

but i still didnt get any.

i ended up with a bad headache

and wasn't in a mood to shop.

i'm really sorry toot.

so toot sent me home.

i vomited all my sataybeehoon along the way.

yucks.
everything went so wrong yesterday.

but toot shared her chocolate pie and fishburger with me straight after my vomiting.

haha.

thanks toot!

and because of that, she was late for work.

sorry!

and still i must say this,

I'm sorry netballers.

2006-01-26T18:16:00.000+07:00

Cheryl kutu yeo wants (no, the right word is demand!)

that i blog about the incident today.

Cheryl : hey, i think that girl, is quite pretty.

Me : huh who?

Cheryl : there! that one!

she is refering to xxxxx.
okay let this xxxxx be melina.

Me: oh you mean melina ah!?

Cheryl: YAYAYA!!!! ITS HER! whats her name ?

(=_=")

apparently she wants the whole world to know how ~~stupid~~ cute(she wants me to use this word) she is,

so here you go.

stupid *erhem*cute cheryl kutu yeo.

2006-01-25T20:46:00.000+07:00

and yes, to that botak head.
get that idea out of your bloody botak head!
just because you don't see us train doesn't mean we don't train as hard.
we may not be the best one around, but definitely not the first one you should think of.

esthers bdae yesterday.

2006-01-25T19:51:00.000+07:00

yayness to huimin and yingxi !

they stayed behind to train willingly.

and at the same time keeping me company.

makes me feel so much like home.

i really miss bts.

passed by the tennis court

and there's this guy who smacked the ball so hard , it landed outside the playing area.

(for you info, you call that an out.haha)

so the friend was like " OUT OUT OUT! OUT LA ! go home."

pointing to the exit.

he was joking of course.

sounds harsh,
but that will only come from a someone you're close and comfortable with.

i was laughing.

not entirely cus of that.

i was laughing and smiling because i thought of the past.

i really miss those days.

its called "SUANING"

remember when mdm yap said i was a good student , never once late for school blah blah blah...

4e2 will go crazy.

okay at least fuad and khayboon

"MDM YAP, ARE YOU SURE!?"

"YOU DON'T KNOW HER!"

"acting only la!"

just makes you wanna laugh.

and when it comes to eugene,

and sadiq

its worse than just that.

awww.

sometimes when i look back on these little episodes,

i just wanna turn back time.

and i know what special day it is to you yesterday.

i had the urge to wish you like everytime.

i had the urge to apologise because there's no who's wrong and who's right after all this time.

but you're living well.

thats all that matters isn't it?

still, i wish you well.

2006-01-16T19:40:00.000+07:00

Its been a really bad day for me.

it started off with my wallet.

it was in my hand a moment ago, then its gone.

i don't know whats wrong with me.

and i realised it was on a canteen table after searching high and low.

and then, jokkuan told me i'm a different person whenever i'm with cheryl and all.

she said i was noisy and crazy.

but i don't know.

i thought i was supposedly one of those "quiet" type that no one takes notice of and i wanted it that way.

i really thought it was so.

i admit i was crazy in btss,

thats because i'm happy.

but never in nanyang.

i'm not not-happy, just okay with nanyang.

i don't feel at home in nanyang, like in btss.

i don't know why i'm making such a big fuss over how people judge me.

maybe its because i really know nothing about myself.

i'm not the me i thought i am.

i don't know about myself.

yes, i really don't.

i will take time to bond with myself,

(okay that sounds so wrong)

set time to be alone.

to understand myself.

words can never hurt me, yea right.

i thought.

and i said something i really didn't mean to today.

its about basketball.

i really didn't mean it.

it was out of anger that i said its a solo-watever game.

it was because they looked down on the netballer.

she was good okay.

and they shouldn't have said those sarcastic remarks about a sport.

and i admit, i did gave stupid remarks about a sport too.

thats why i'm guilty.

i wish i can really take back those words.

mr ong will be fuming to hear that coming out from my very mouth.

i love basketball and i still love.

i love netball and still do.

so it really winds me up when someone thinks negatively about it when in the first place they know nuts about the sport.

so far, its always netball that people thinks its stupid.

and coincidentally, its the basketballers, not all thou.

so out of anger, i give stupid remarks too.

i'm really sorry.

to whoever who loves the sport.

and ya,

as for the "sly and cunning" remark , because of what i say in the blog.

i'm okay with it.

i know i may sound harsh,

i maybe too blatant,

too direct?

especially when i'm scolding someone in my blog.

but thats the whole point about blogging.

you voice your thoughts and opinions and whatever there is.

it may be out of anger,

i may regret typing all those things down.

but it was exactly how i felt at that point of time.

(okay maybe wrong choice of words)

isn't that the whole point about blogging?

if its not, enlighten me.

don't you people get angry, upset over someone too?

its only human , is it?

people do scream, shout and pour everything out to someone don't they?

maybe just not in the blog i guess.

so its only me who does that.

to all those i denounced and those i'm about to denounce in future,

its only out of anger.

i'm sorry. and in advance too.

i suck at controlling my temper.

so my blog is where you must avoid.

but i must say,

the day is not that bad because of my tootest toot.

toot , you're always there for me.

thanks.

i didn't tell you what happened ,

its because when im with you,

nothing really bothers me.

blessed with the ability to make me laugh so hard.

blur-sorry-don't-recognise-you-look!

and you will always be laughing at my stupid-not-funny-at-all-super-lame jokes when no one else will.

and besides, you brought me food.

I love toot and food :)

toot's the best.

thank you :)

i'll be forever thankful.

2006-01-15T20:52:00.000+07:00

silly,

i'll be forever thankful.

for the times, truth, joy, wrongs, dream, love, strength, voice, eyes, best, faith, wings and everything.

In the circles I've been running,

I've covered many miles,

And I could search forever,

for what's right is before my eyes

barbarian librarian

2006-01-14T23:19:00.000+07:00

and so thats two weeks of school.

i seriously can't wait for A's to be over.

although i don't know how i'll survive it.

i'm fine with school now.

fine because of my nyendorphin:)

anyway,i think its better like this.

and yes, i hate that ny's librarian.

more like a barbarian.

off for some wink.

2006-01-09T23:30:00.000+07:00

i was overjoyed la.

49 kg finally! 1kg away from my goal.

doesn't matter if i'm shorter or not.

i used i was,

i HATE.

give me a break.

i can stand the way you assign me to do stuff supposedly yours.

now, you're asking others too.

no , i cant stand that.

ITS NOT AN EASY TASK ANYWAY.

and you're left with something, yea-NOTHING.

except for drawing rows and columns?

i think others deserve better.

i tried to be nice already.

god forgive me.

if i weren't the v, i would have hell end up quitting netball and in some other CCA.

i love netball.

and i would love to help.

but not when you're asking for ALL THE HELP when you're just watching us do the job.

i really wanna quit.

maybe its not worth it for someone when there're so many nicer beings in it.

i don't know.

kill me.

i'll be fine.

but my holiday is so ruined, by you.

maybe i'll be better later and find what i'm typing now, stupid.

goodbye

2006-01-08T21:27:00.000+07:00

Goodbye, long hair.

and hi sucky, horribly sucky.

Goodbye weekends too.

its okay

2006-01-03T04:42:00.000+07:00

Its 5:40am now.didn't sleep a wink last night..It wasn't my intention.I didnt care to do the rest of the work b'cos i couldnt finish anyway but somehow i just can't reach the gates of the lalaland.

What a way to start the 1st day of school isn't it?

I'm in nanyang uniform, ready but unwilling to go. Its the first day of school , like AGAIN? But its okay, at least i'll see familiar faces.

off for my breakfast.

pray for me - b'cos i haven't done most of the homework.

Its okay, thats only me. I'm just doing what i always do.

self-deception, keep saying "its okay" when it isn't.

but ITS OKAY.

2005-12-31T00:39:00.000+07:00

I was late AGAIN, but i went out early! I SO STUPIDLY TOOK THE WRONG BUS. I seriously thought it was 962 and didnt bother to see the Bus number because i was on the phone. I wasted 40 whole mins . I didn't bother to explain to liqi (who could have already stone so long that she will turn into some statue if i arrive a lil' later). I mean who will believe a story like this? she'll probably think its made up or something. who in the world will be as stupid as me!? nvm. "chopping" seats at chomp chomp is the last thing you wanna do, trust me. People stare at you like you're criminal. Other than that, Senior's farewell went well i guess, at least not as bad as i thought it'll be. Its was simple yet enjoyable probably because it was at chompchomp and that means, FOOD! :) Lots of them, we ordered - chicken&muttonsatay; stingray; oyster; sotong; sugarcane; carrot cake;prawnmee; rojak; desert. YUMMY.

ENVY ME-

because huitian is gonna treat me to someplace tml :)

(saltplease -ht,you know what i mean)

and thats not all.

STEAMBOAT AT YS HOUSE:)

countdown too.

CAN'T WAIT TILL TML!

but , school is gonna start so soon .

thats not the problem, its the piles and piles of assignment there.

*points*

senior's words about JC2 - motivating yet harrowing.

Timetable is out too.

was scolded by toot when i said ending at 1215 is so-not-early!

haha.

must sleep now, i WANT MCSMILELY HOTCAKES tml.

2005-12-29T13:59:00.000+07:00

haven't been updating,

so here's a quick one.

ate seoul again!

thanks for the treat ,toot.

toot is cute la.

she ate till she vomited.

and after she vomited icecream, she was like "EEEe, icecream!"

and i went ps yesterday

to get seniors present.

suppose to be meeting up with liqi, huiting and amy at 12.

but it was changed to 1.

because i woke up late.

sorry.

liqi was scolded by nicole for lots of stuff.

poor her, just as she's becoming more responsible...

so in the end, we didnt buy anything.

plan was changed to dining at chompchomp due to the lack of funds.

we're really poor la,

besides that, we can't possibly ask those who are not close to the senoirs to pay for it and turn up right?

i don't feel good about dining at chompchomp.

liqi,huiting and amy said they haven't even started doing their homework.

so i thought, i'm okay, at least i tried to start but got stuck.

:)
i was actually planning to do my homework thou.

but i went citylink with edmund and gang.

mad fun!

was playing hide and seek la.

got to go.

and ya,

my skin's peeling,BADLY.

but i want to be black.

born stupid

2005-12-26T03:04:00.000+07:00

oh god.

its 4:03am now.

i'm suffering from insomnia.

and its been like days and weeks.

ever since the 14hours.

perhaps i'm too excited.

toot is treating me to seoul tml :)

maybe i'll end up sleeping at seoul tml.

this is killing me.

i tried to do the tutorials.

but i don't know how to even start!

what to do? born stupid.

my story

2005-12-25T01:27:00.000+07:00

CLICK FOR A STORY :)
my story.

*grins*

frente

2005-12-24T19:16:00.000+07:00

Every time i think of you
I get a shot right through into a bolt of blue
It's no problem of mine
But it's a problem i find
Living a life that i can't leave behind

There's no sense in telling me
The wisdom of a fool won't set you free
But that's the way that it goes
And it's what nobody knows
And every day my confusion grows

Every time i see you falling
I get down on my knees and pray
I'm waiting for that final moment
You'll say the words that i can't say

~~I feel fine and i feel good~~
I feel like i never should
Whenever i get this way,
i just don't know what to say
Why can't we be ourselves like we were yesterday

I'm not sure what this could mean
I don't think you're what you see
I do admit to myself
That if i hurt someone else
Then we'd never see just what we're meant to be

Every time i see you falling
I get down on my knees and pray
I'm waiting for that final moment
You'll say the words that i can't say

my birthday

2005-12-24T14:46:00.000+07:00

finally, its over.

actually i must say this.

i never like birthdays.

the trouble you have to go through, organising,asking, planning the place, the budget so everyone will turn up, its a torture i tell you.

i don't like the attention i'm given .

and i don't want to grow up.

woke up late.

thou i wanted to eat hotcakes. :(

so poor - mushroom head, toot,tallrer, PONGPONG , huitian waited till 4 because my mum wanted me to eat this and that , take pictures with them and my birthdaylogcake before letting me go.

only met at 4!

left one and a half hours only.

im sorry :(

so we took 2neos.

and i was already late.

i was half an hour late .

im really sorry animal family.

i told all of you not to be late, but i was.

Really Sorry.

went kenny rogers.

waited for quite some time.

love eating with animal family.

so much fun.

especially when eugene is sitting beside me,

i can laugh all i want.

we went fountain of wealth , took pics.

went arcade and tried my luck on 'happy lifter'.

then went bowling, but was fully booked.

went shopping?

for wendy's tortoise.

and khayboon decided to SAY, he's going to treat us to swenson icecream.

i don't know if he really wanted to.

but everyone took his words for real.

and went swenson!

took pics and all.

ate icecream.

yummy!

and we walked back to the train station.

on the way, eugene did something disgusting and everybody RAN, the word is RAN , away from him instantly.

and kept a distance away from him for the next 10mins.

he kinda freaked out i guess.
and so we went home.

a rather brief entry about today because i have to do homework!

and as always,

a thank you list.
HAJAR

(because you're first to wish me.)

tallrer,

toot,

PONGPONG,

mushroomhead,

huitian,

feli,

orange,

lester,

weijie,

janice,

dice,

jamie,

yokesun,

edmund,

chiayin,

eva,

ahpek,

wendy,

khayboon,

eugene,

adelinekum,

lijun,

junjie,

eileen.

bobby.

and as a whole again,

ANIMAL FAMILY and EVERYTHING.

LOVE YOU TRUCKLOADS.

you guys really rock my day away la.

thanks for giving me my best ever birthday present, time.

In case you ever run out of gift ideas, here's a little tip: give me your laugh. Whether it's mischievous, tender, loud, or quiet, simply give me a laugh from your heart. Your laughter brings me never-ending joy.

-Helmut Walch

i'll be good , not go out and do hw

on christmas eve and christmas.

all i wish for, for my 17th bdae,

is forgiveness..

HUITIAN;)

2005-12-23T01:10:00.000+07:00

Tallrer; PONGPONG; toot; mushroomhead ; Huitian:) is coming up north to meet me tomorrow! yay!

esther turn up.

2005-12-22T00:43:00.000+07:00

"Sometimes you wonder if this fight is worthwhile,

the precious moments all are lost in the tide."

- Listen to your heart, DHT.

what can i do?

its karma, i know.

all along, i was wrong.

i have a wish.

but i know it'll never come true.

e.turn up like you did before.

fetish is killing me.

2005-12-21T22:21:00.000+07:00

I'm suffering from a fetish for dresses.

HELP ME.

bought a dress i totally adore from P.O.A.

and it cost, $119.

but its on sale of course :)

its all black, and looks like some prom dress.

but who cares, i love it and thats all that matters.

mushroom head was there .

and she wants me to wear it on 23.

so, animal family, don't dress down on 23 okay?

i don't want to be the odd one out.

PONG:

anything that makes you happy.

ANIMAL FAMILY:

I think it'll be seoul garden because settler's cafe is fully booked.

time not confirm.

Student value must be before 530 i think.

linkie

2005-12-20T23:39:00.000+07:00

check this out!

- recommended by mushroom head.

kill me

2005-12-20T21:23:00.000+07:00

I'm officially BLACK now.

I'm burnt.

i love it thou.

but i hope my skin won't start peeling.

i think i kinda spoilt everything yesterday.

because i volley the ball too far away and it landed in the sea and so someone had to swim over to get it back.

but i CAN'T swim lar.

nobody taught me how to.

i can't possibly try floating to get it back.

sorry.

i love the game of bluff.

1-9-2-8

can't stop laughing.

pongpong is so cute la!

and i know i should start doing my homework today,

but i'd a bad headache.

its always like this!

homework gives me a headache and so i can't do my homework when i'm having a headache .

and so nothing gets done, as always.

KILL ME.

2005-12-18T15:56:00.000+07:00

there's a meeting for CCA bazaar tml at 10am.

and i can't make it.

liqi can't make it, cus i think she's still overseas.

huijiet too.

danyu working.

ar. wth. so last minute.

those who are going please tell me what its about can?

or is there anyone who happens to be going to school?

;(

i doubt so.

but the one on the phone sounds like miss saadiah.

aww. i miss her.

2005-12-18T01:24:00.000+07:00

went jogging with toot at bedok reservoir yesterday.

i better go running more often.

i was more tired than the last time i ran.

thats bad.

today, met PONGPONG. ;)

ate KFC with edmund and all.

then went to meet orange, pk and sk.

i was terribly late.

went to settlers' cafe with them.

that place really rocks!

because its full of games of all kind

thou it doesn't come cheap .

hmm, may be celebrating my birthday there

if animal family is free and willing.

i studied the menu!

harh.

twin pack @ $8/hr.

and group of 6 @ around $30/hr with drinks blah blah.

set meals @ around $15

haha. why am i advertising for them?

but animal family , check it out and see if you guys want k?

http://www.settlerscafe.com/Home.htm
seoul garden will be the other option.

okay. so i was saying i was at settlers' cafe.

arr.. i love the games !

haha.

then we wandered around chinatown , and mustafa.

and went home.

last year, at this time i was playing the angel game at the pharmacy.

was nice working with them.

glad that we're still keeping in contact.

i decided to post up pics that sk pass to me today,

thou its taken quite long ago.

the guys are hell brainy.

ACES ALL THEIR A LEVEL SUBS.

i wish i was half as smart.

maybe Cs for all?

dreaming, dreaming!

this pic is so ancient! just look at my hair.

anyway, this pic is taken at the expense of the queue of patient waiting for their medicine.

imagine a pharmacy with everybody disappearing.

harh!

anyway thanks for the gift sk. sorry i didnt have anything for you.

i'm going suntan on monday!

can't wait.

CAN'T

life's good now.

no, please don't remind me of the piles of homework and tutorials waiting for me!

and the upcoming tests too.

the thought that holidays are so gonna be over makes me wobbly all over.

i want to sleep , eat and play forever.

2005-12-15T01:11:00.000+07:00

chewchiayin's

i suck at friendship

2005-12-14T21:41:00.000+07:00

okay, time to update.

packed my stuff yesterday.

rearranged all my papers, books, presents.

it took me so long,

till 3am!

alright, but thats not the point.

i packed all the gifts that i received,

into my display cabinet.

it really got me thinking about the past.

some meant a lot to me.

the CD i must say.

100% handmade.

more than just sweet.

how could anyone spent their time doing this for no apparent reason just for me?

its none other than chewchiayin.

its quite awkward to mention her name here but ya.

if you happen to be here?

I'm sorry .

i know there's something about give and take,

i took so much and didnt give,

yet i did that to you.

sorry babe.

And the "message stars",

by eileen, esther, and valerie.

you guys made for me 364 so i'll open one each day.

and when i open up the very last one,

its my 14th birthday.

but i didnt open all, not even till today.

i'm opening one at this very moment,

its eileen's handwriting saying,

"a friend's affection is the greatest treasure on earth"

okay, i'll open another one,

its esther's handwriting saying

"You ARE NEVER More Than a thought away . . . . Esther =) "

really? maybe not now.

and candice's present.

the present itself is not very special.

but, she remembered my bday even after 2years

w/o really keeping in contact.

she bought so many stuff.

when she went genting, she bought me something.

she bought me another when she recalled i like that very much.

she also wrote something really sweet.

and finally my bday present.

about 4 or 5 items.

she kept all these for 2years and gave me all at once.

she was thinking about me all that 2years.

really really sweet of you.

of course, feli !

how could i leave your present out?

the photoframe "no.1 friend" and that pillow.

believe it or not,

its sleeping with me all this while.

(my mum thought it was from my boyfriend or something)

and jaime 100% handmade card.

lovely.

you really took all your time to draw and colour every single one of them.

:)

and some other pressie that really got me laughing,

eugene's chopsticks!

who on earth will give chopsticks to someone on their bdae?

and all of them using the same wrapping paper from precious thots.

how wonderful.

haha.

and from mr choo.

the first and last gift i received from a peteacher,

when he went to thailand.

wonder how is he now.

i still remember the bus stop incident...

arghh.

and yea, esther's door sign.

chiayin's letter, konnie's postcard and marshmallows(don't worry, i ate them already), bears, soft toy and lots of them.

and for some, i kept and i know i shouldn't though.

so im not gonna mention it .

and so ya.

i realised i really take more than i give.

or maybe i didnt give at all?

im sorry.

i really suck at friendship.

i don't know why.

baahhh.

enough of that.

went pool with tallrer, eileen and eslynn today.

2tables thou.

i felt really uncomfortable stepping into an arcade again.

i don't know why again.

i don't know about everything!

maybe what i used to do, used to be with, used to be around with,

-in the past,

can never ever be felt once more.

nothing is gonna be the same again.

ya. people will go like "derr~" when they read this.

but still i wanna play basketball so much,

even if its not gonna be the same anymore.

alamak.

i dwell too much in my past .

ok so i was saying,

pool.

had fun.

went LJS .

fish treasure meal - yummy

had that for two consecutive days!

and went home after that.

i really wish tallrer and eileen can go back to the good old days again.

why am i so concern about both of them when i cant even handle mine?

going to jog at bedok reservoir again tml!

i hope toot and i won't look toot like the last time.

;)

slept only at 8am

2005-12-12T12:57:00.000+07:00

And so all thanks to my 14hours,

i slept only at 8am today.

life is meaningless again

2005-12-11T18:38:00.000+07:00

guess what.

i'm being me again.

- be green with envy because.

i slept for 14HOURS!

but i think i can do better than that.

*grins*

i'm starting to feel life's meaningless again.

you study for money, you work for money, you compete for money and because you have money and you're happy.

yet in the end,

you die without it.
and so, people died a violent death, died a natural death,

no one ever died a happy death.

what's the point of working all your life for something you can't have at the end?

people are living for the sake of living.

some may argue, they have dreams, big dreams.

in the end, it doesn't even matter.

when you die, you know you won't make history.

totally forgotten.

love ones may moan, cry over your death.

but they'll get over it, soon.

in days, weeks, months? rarely years?

then, how long did you live ?
you lived till 60 odd and people take just days to forget you?
and so what if you make history?

you're already dead.

happiness? i don't know.

but FOOD makes me happy.

:)mushroom, rojak, cheese, pasta, light soya sauce, chocolate, eggs, ice cream, and truckloads of them.

yet i know,

i'll die while trying to be happy,

because i'll end up with kidney failure, heart attack, whatever lar.

I will die because I wanted to be happy.

sad case?

death takes away everything.

whats the point of living?

whats the point of treasuring?

when you know all you have will be taken away one day.

savour every mouthful of happiness while living, while treasuring, while possessing

and put to pain thereafter .

ohman.

forgive me for being such a pessimist.

lies.

2005-12-07T21:50:00.000+07:00

Everybody tell lies.

but i wish the world will stop lying to me.

and why do i always get to know the truth somehow?
whether a white lie or not,

don't lie.

A half truth is a whole lie.

whether the past or present,

i trusted you, and all of you.

it hurts me more than just what you see.

just tell me the truth once and for all,

i'll get angry, i'll get upset, i'll get disappointed, i'll feel negative,

but i'll get over it.

lies ? i may not.

sorry.

2005-12-02T14:33:00.000+07:00

i have to say this or i'll be so guilty.

sorry konnie and cheryl.

know konnie was fuming and cheryl, so lost.

i already had plans for the day.

sorry!

maybe next time?

tests

2005-11-29T13:50:00.000+07:00

got the links from konnie's blog..
;)
so fun.
(i think the one on the blogging type is true; impulsive)

Your Blogging Type is Unique and Avant Garde

You're a bit ... unusual. And so is your blog.
You're impulsive, and you'll often post the first thing that pops in your head.
Completely uncensored, you blog tends to shock... even though that's not your intent.
You tend to change your blog often, experimenting with new designs and content.

What's Your Blogging Personality?

Your Birthdate: December 23

You're not good at any one thing, and that's the problem.
You're good at so much - you never know what to do.
Change is in your blood, and you don't stick to much for long.
You are destined for a life of travel and fun.

Your strength: Your likeability

Your weakness: You never feel satisfied

Your power color: Bright yellow

Your power symbol: Asterisk

Your power month: May

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Your Brain's Pattern

You have a dreamy mind, full of fancy and fantasy.
You have the ability to stay forever entertained with your thoughts.
People may say you're hard to read, but that's because you're so internally focused.
But when you do share what you're thinking, people are impressed with your imagination.

What Pattern Is Your Brain?

Your Heart Is Green

Love completes you, but that doesn't mean you seek it out.
When love comes your way, you integrate it peacefully into the rest of you life.

Your flirting style: Laid back

Your lucky first date: Walking around aimlessly and talking

Your dream lover: Is both enthusiastic and calm

What you bring to relationships: Balance

What Color Heart Do You Have?

You Are 30% Boyish and 70% Girlish

Even if you're not a girl, you're very feminine.
You're in touch with your feelings, and your heart rules you.
A bit of a emotional roller coaster, one moment you're up and the next you're down.
But no matter what, you try to be as cute and perky as possible.

How Boyish or Girlish Are You?

alright i gotta go.

meeting mushroom head!

maybe i'll continue later.

harh!

jogging at bedok reservoir

2005-11-29T00:30:00.000+07:00

went jogging at bedok reservoir with toot !

and i thought there will be lockers somewhere

so i can put whatever i have in the locker.

but as i said,

I THOUGHT.

thanks to me.

toot and i have to go running with our belongings.

harh! 2 big tootie.

but hey, thats a form of training too.

surprisingly,

after a slow jog around the reservoir,

i was still all hyper.

so i went to the fitness corner

did situps, logs and dorsal raise.

wheee.

had dinner with edmund and all.

spent our time laughing over the 'pinkguava' and 'macmanager'.

came home and realised i missed the first part of project runway.

arghh.

Nora is out.

but i still love her though.

i'll settle for the my next favourite then,

Kara.

its my bad.

i should do more to help,

and be nice.

let me try to be a better man, again.

2005-11-27T23:18:00.000+07:00

finally blew up at liqi.

some might already know why...

i understand you'll be away.

its only logical to put others in charge.

but you're leaving on like 12dec?
two whole weeks.

is it me?

im always the one complaining about someone else.

perhaps im too self absorbed.

or plain lazy?
maybe its all me,

yes, its me.

yet again, soul-searching and destroying too.

yet another foodfull day

2005-11-26T12:58:00.000+07:00

was at parkway yesterday.

had my crash course for something i'm not supposed to say.

its wheeee, so fun!
i love it.

of course, i ate the oh-so-palatable Qiu Lian ban mian .

and guess what,

there's a BIG FAT WORM on the vege!

so FAT it looks like a caterpillar.

its yucky i tell you.

it is graded an 'A' for cleanliness!

so we went to tell the auntie.

we whispered so it'll not scare the other customers.

but hell,

the auntie just took the vege, went inside the kitchen

not even saying sorry.

mushroom head was so furious that she shouted and went off.
but we shant let rude people spoil our day.

then i went off to meet animal family.

i was late, as usual.

they were waiting for me to start to eat.

im sorry.

they didnt let me pay too .

cus they already paid.

so i ate all of the food FOC.

(i'll be early and pay next time)

i ordered rojak and century egg porridge!

yummyyummy!

went yokesun's hse for some uno game.

then, went home.

yet another FOODFULL DAY!

YAY!

foodfully

2005-11-25T12:18:00.000+07:00

spent the last few days fruitfully,

no, FOODFULLY!

went tam's seoul garden with mushroom head the day before.

we ate from lunch to dinner!

(it was my breakfast, lunch and dinner, supper.)

from around one to six...

yummy yummy.

was bloated to the extent that i was going to vomit,

all thanks to my gluttony

we went bugis after that.

shopping shopping and more shopping...

went training yesterday

i love training nowadays .

(despite the terrible attendance)

;)

went swensen after training.

coach's treat.

EARTHQUAKE.

lucky for me,

i was sharing with yingxi, huimin, huijiet.

they love chocolate.

so we ordered every chocolate flavour on the menu!
HEAVENLY.

we had fun playing with the dry ice too.
loves!

this entry is kinda rush,

i'm going out thats why.

having dinner with animal family at 85.

whheee...

i miss them so so much!!

another FOODFULL day for me!

YAY.

konnie is the best

2005-11-20T00:11:00.000+07:00

konnie!

konnie is so sweeet.

she's one of the few who does small yet BIG things to make you feel loved, appreciated, special.

thanks for the numerous postcards.

and that box of marshmallows.

that was really lovely.

i love konnie!

come to think of it, gm girls are really nice.

chiayin too...

the CD she made for me.

awwww....

Little deeds of kindness, little words of love, help to make earth happy like the heaven above.

anyway, i cant reply you!

you gave it to me on friday.

and we're not gonna see each other anytime soon.

its also not very nice to reply here.

but don't worry,

you're always my full-time ny painkiller!

today.

- bad day!
how do you feel when you're the reason for someone's jealousy and another's anger ?

i'm really sorry.

everyone, please be happy.

its double the pain when you don't.

and still i'll be there when you want me to.

2005-11-17T22:52:00.000+07:00

having read that.

i realised that im not that mean after all.

checking on my blog for my lastest update on you again?

here goes.
don't contradict yourself

read carefully.

and so you don't bitch?

good. i see that you forgotten whatever you said to me.

i bitch.

and i know im a bitch.

its hard for me to bitch abt someone you used to love so much.

but i think it'll be harder for me to love you now.
maybe i still do...
if not it wouldnt still hurt so much.

but for all to turn out this way

you can blame me
its always me.

i can't handle friendship.

this will be the last entry i blog about you.

its already strained enough.

and so you go

looking the other way,

but i still hope you'll turn and see me looking at you.

although i can have reasons to hate you,

i still can't bring myself to,

i still care.

soul searching

2005-11-16T22:24:00.000+07:00

benhui is oh-so-famous now.

fanclubs and pictures of him is over friendster.

his name is under the "who i want to meet" section

thats really .... cool?

*blinks*

and he's no longer the small cranky fella i used to know.

on his way to stardom.

used to write him testimonials and all

but i decided not to.

(since many are doing so anyway)

i dont want to be his friend only when he's in the limelight.

i rather be the guiding light when all is lost.
(not that he'll lose thou)

okay.

there's a netball carnival tml.

i'm really looking forward to it.

not that im anticipating how black i'll be after that,

but the experience...

weird.

im not exactly looking forward for the new experience,

but the experience i've been through in the past,

meaning the experience i'd experienced!

hah. thats really odd.

when all is lost,
when things are down,

who will be the ones mocking at me?

which friend will really be there for me?

or perhaps ,

this will nv happen?

i never had anything in the first place.
i'll never have the chance to lose anything,

i'll never feel down because things are always so.

maybe nobody will ever understand what's on my mind,

and what im typing,

sometimes i dont too.

soul-searching, soul-searching, and more soul-searching..

yet its becoming more soul-destroying sometimes.

this is such a disgusting entry.

i'll be okay in a minute!

my life is not really that sad la.

tallrer.

yummy.

god's boxes

2005-11-16T22:18:00.000+07:00

God's Boxes

I have in my hands two boxes

Which God gave me to hold.

He said, "Put all your sorrows in the black box,

And all your joys in the gold."

I heeded His words, and in the two boxes,

Both my joys and sorrows I stored,

But though the gold became heavier each day,

The black was as light as before.

With curiosity, I opened the black,

I wanted to find out why,

And I saw, in the base of the box, a hole,

Which my sorrows had fallen out by.

I showed the hole to God, and mused,

"I wonder where my sorrows could be!"

He smiled a gentle smile and said,

"My child, they're all here with me.."

I asked God, why He gave me the boxes,

Why the gold and the black with the hole?

"My child, the gold is for you to count your blessings"

The black is for you to let go.

nettie fun.

2005-11-15T12:13:00.000+07:00

off for some nettie fun.

i hope it'll be.

mean?

2005-11-15T06:58:00.000+07:00

maybe im being way too mean.

but what else can i do?

my thoughts.

2005-11-13T06:41:00.000+07:00

you won't believe this.

im suffering from insomnia!

(thou not exactly, slept last night.)

but i woke up at 5am!

and cant sleep though i tried really hard.

i was tossing and turning for like 2 whole hour!

and so i got off my bed to do something useful, no, not useful.

blogging.

that 2 hours ,

i thought of a lot of stuff.

about basketball!

was thinking of a gathering for chaichee peeps.

its been like 4long years since i last held a basketball in my hands.

awww. i miss them.

about netball!

was thinking about organising a netball camp for ny?

but i guess liqi will be so against it

and the rest too.

and, we won't have time next year too.

was thinking about animal family.

;(

i want a mahjong session,xmen session, screaming session, sakura buffet session with all of them.
yet they're so busy.

they no longer visit my blog anymore.

(except for mousey)

and they won't know how much i miss them.

i was thinking about running at bedok reservoir.

but doubt i'll find a companion.

some might think that liting is out of her mind!

but its coach's words that made me this way.

she said,

"no matter how NYnetballers train,

they'll still be behind the bballers"
i've to admit, its true for now.

and it is gonna be true in future,looking at the state now.

i was a bballer.

i am now a netballer.

so what does that make me?

i don't want people to think that netball is a slacker's sport.
yet maybe it really is?
im like contradicting myself again.

Let there be love where there is emptiness

Let there be faith where hope is gone

Let there be strength where there is helplessness

And open eyes to see right from wrong

We've gotta find a way to trust

The very best in all of us

How many more promises spoken

While the dreams of the innocent die

Every day another heart gets broken

While the flame of hate survives

When will the healing begin in our lives?

and who's not.

2005-11-12T23:26:00.000+07:00

wouldn't it be nice if you can actually know what others are thinking ?

so you know who's good and who's bad.
so you know i'm sincere.

so you know i'm true.

and so you know, who's not.

how to be nice

2005-11-12T23:06:00.000+07:00

janice needs to go for classes on "how to be nice."

my handwriting.

2005-11-11T01:48:00.000+07:00

YOUR REPORT ON GRAPH ANALYSIS(handwriting)
You have an optimistic outlook and a buoyant spirit
You dont have any prejudices and possess good temperament when facing emotional situations. Your decisions are based on facts and figures.
You tend to have a fine sense of balance in dealing with money
You show lot of involvement and commitment in your work
You think twice before accepting a new proposal in any endeavour.
You attain an optimum speed of doing things whereby there is least compromise on speed and quality of work.
You always present yourself well to the outside world.
You can be trusted to keep secrets.
You can maintain your poise and composure even when facing criticism.
Your goals match perfectly with your potential.Thus you avoid pitfalls in meeting your objectives.
Your have moderate enthusiasm in your work.
Your determination and willpower are exemplary and enviable.
You complete your work to your satisfaction and hope for the best. You are not bothered about satisfying others.
You have a reasonably good memory
Your seriousness in completing your work is acceptable.
You are a gregarious person who always likes to be in the crowd.
You are always curious and inquisitive with an evergrowing thirst to learn and explore.
Your problem solving abilities are exceptional.
You are charming company in any social gathering.

dreams.

2005-11-11T01:07:00.000+07:00

haha. enough of palmistry

i've been dreaming a lot lately.

found this website ,

and i found out what it means....

Childhood
Childhood is frequently re-experienced in a dream. The dream refers to long-forgotten events which perhaps unconsciously still play too great a role in the dreamer's life.

Joy
To dream that you feel joy over any event, denotes harmony among friends.

Laughing
To dream of laughing denotes success in your undertakings and good companions socially.

Meal
A communal meal in a dream is the image of communal activity of a ritual or magical nature. When interpreting the dream, note should be taken of the dreamer's religious beliefs.

School
The images of school, school work and fear of examinations are dream references to comparable processes in the school of life. The school of life forces man to participate in these learning process for as long as he lives.

Victory
To dream that you have got victory foretells that you shall successfully wrestle all your enemies.

haha. try your luck

2005-11-11T00:26:00.000+07:00

A long curvy Head Line ending in the Mound of Moon is a great gift for the casino gambler. The long line indicates strong mental processes and an active mind. The curve downward reveals a gift for accessing deep intuitive information around them and from others. A person with this deep strong line has "an accurate feeling" about which cards each of the other players at the poker table are holding. They often have periods of "luck" and don't know why but just keep playing their hunches and winning using their extraordinary "intuition". The casino operators know this gift is present in some people and that is one reason the waitresses are constantly handing them drinks to destroy that edge.

haha so people, its wise not to gamble with me especially.